he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I skipped work to stalk him.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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