I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
