yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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