I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
