her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
