I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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