You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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