After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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