not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
there is glitter all over my balls
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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