I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My dick has a subreddit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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