Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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