Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
