I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
