Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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