I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
