I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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