Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
