I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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