Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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