my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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