i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
