very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
love makes seman taste better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
