I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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