Apparently you make a good broom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I deserve this hangover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
