i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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