i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
