i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
