So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
