Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
