ADVERTISEMENT

• (352): View more from Florida

  She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.

  Fav 31 3061 1628

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab

  (253): View more from Washington

  I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.

  Fav 3 2647 877

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (904): View more from Florida

  btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i wish i had your life

  Fav 33 4225 900

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?

  Fav 32 4998 1355

  share tweet
  

• (247): View more from

  Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

  Fav 11 1233 4648

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.

  Fav 13 4567 1440

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I've ID'd the nipple biter.

  Fav 6 2493 1665

  share tweet
  

• (469): View more from Texas

  She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.

  Fav 8 2031 822

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  you have failed as an in class drinking partner.

  Fav 3 1519 885

  share tweet
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?

  Fav 5 1862 629

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.

  Fav 1 256 121

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.

  Fav 0 38 6

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night

  Fav 0 31 12

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.

  Fav 0 13 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away

  Fav 0 28 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize