How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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