I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
