life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
