I hate your face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
