there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
