So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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