I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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