Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
