what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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