i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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