I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
