he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
