he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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