Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
