the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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