i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
