I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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