I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
