dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
