..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
