So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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