Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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