I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
