And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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