You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
