Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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