i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
