Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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