We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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