bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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