it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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