I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
