I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
