I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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