if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
