I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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