I cannot find my penis.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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