you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
