Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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