I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
