he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am mentally ready for anal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
