I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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