Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please, let me fuck your mom
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
