I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
