the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
