Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
