her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
