Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
