I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize