Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
