the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
