He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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