I could make wine with my vomit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
