If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
