she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
