i was born a porn star she said
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
