i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
