nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
